This Bachelor Life

Good Show, Sully!

2009-01-26T18:54:00.003-05:00

Much has been made in recent weeks of Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger's heroism in the air in the past couple weeks. However, I submit that with his finely manicured moustache and obvious flyboy confidence that his unprecedented ditch into the Hudson was never really in doubt. You can tell certain things about a man by the cuffs of his jacket.

I May Have to Start Watching American Idol

2009-01-19T15:50:00.002-05:00

No, actually, no I won't... Because there are photos... photos on the internet. Like here.

A Very Happy Birthday to Zooey Deschanel

2009-01-17T13:48:00.004-05:00

She's not just for nerds anymore.

She and Him - Why do You Let me Stay Here?

Roger That!

2009-01-16T19:19:00.002-05:00

Sure, Don Draper gets all the hype and most of the women. However, no one can deny Roger seems to be having more fun. Whether he's romancing twins or the office goddess Joan, Roger always has a smirk on his face compared Don's permanently downcast, weight of the world on his shoulders expression. Kudos to John Slattery for playing Roger with such aplomb. Kudos again to "Mad Men" for showing men who don't let a little thing like marriage get in the way of their bachelor ways.

I prefer to ignore the dark side to philandering, of course.

You Cannot Pull of this Look

2009-01-12T22:40:00.002-05:00

Don't even try...

Always Prepared

2009-01-09T21:57:00.003-05:00

Rod Blagojevich/Bob's Big Boy/Impeached Governor of Illinois appointed Attorney General and Businessman Roland Burris to sit in Barack Obama's vacated senate seat. Clearly, this entire situation and everyone involved in it is insane. However, This Bachelor likes the cut of Burris's jib. Is there anything more ostentatiously badass than building a mausoleum in monument of yourself and your accomplishments before you die? It's delightfully egotistical and positively dandyish. I'm going to start on mine right away.

Here's a picture of the tasteful edifice:

Oh yeah, ever the modest one, Roland Burris named his children Roland jr. and Rolanda. I love this guy!

Can't Beat the Moleskine

2009-01-09T19:23:00.002-05:00

Leave the Blackberrys to the philistines on Wall St. ensuring our collective ruin. A true gentlemen still uses paper diaries. The best of which is Moleskine - the journal of Hemingway and Picasso.

I Want to be Evil

2009-01-09T19:21:00.001-05:00

I don't know how I didn't comment on this before but This Bachelor thinks that Eartha Kitt was amazing. She'll be missed.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T23:09:00.003-05:00

Sure, it's Christmas, Jesus's birthday and all that but let's not forget that it was also the great Bogey's birthday. Happy Birthday Bogart!

“I should never have switched from scotch to martinis.”

Women in Handmade Beards - Strangely Hot?

2008-12-18T20:37:00.002-05:00

Yes, I'd say so.

As far as I can tell, this young lady is selling these homemade hirsute crafts on Etsy. I smell a last minute gift for the woman in your life.

Behave at Your Office Christmas Party

2008-12-16T21:40:00.005-05:00

Slate has some pretty great photos of office Christmas parties of the past. For once in my life, I'm going to advise moderation. Go easy on the egg nog and keep your hands to yourself. You have to be able to look your co-workers in the eye at the photocopier on Monday. These rules, of course, don't apply to the uber-hot receptionist or intern - they're fair game.

My New Hat!

2008-12-15T17:16:00.002-05:00

Given the recent economic downturn, the public has been inundated with pictures from the Great Depression. Those downtrodden gents in the soup line may have been penniless but they sure looked sharp in their topcoats, suit, and hats. Now that we're on the precipice of our own financial armageddon I expect hats to make a big comeback and I want to be on the forefront. The only rule is that it has to be a real man's hat: no ball caps, no Justin Timberlake-esque micro-fedoras, or urban sombreros. A tip o' the hat to my fellow bachelors.

Gifts for the Bachelor (but not this bachelor)

2008-12-14T21:39:00.007-05:00

Esquire magazine has a pretty lame gift guide for the perpetual bachelor here. Electric razors? Meat? Vacuums? Man bags? Lonesome Dove? Who the fuck are they kidding?

The mainstream media really doesn't know us at all, do they?

Well, This Bachelor has some ideas:

Friends don't let Friends wear Uggs

2008-12-12T21:53:00.004-05:00

Don't ever EVER do this!

... And look at this otherwise attractive young women ruined by calfskin. If this woman came up to me asked if I would like join her in her hottub for whiskey and corndogs I would have to politely refuse.

This Bachelor's First Date Idea #1

2008-12-07T23:20:00.004-05:00

The Gun Range

Seriously, everybody loves guns, just be careful what you say and where you put your hands. Don't be fresh when your lady's packing...

Bachelor Christmas Tree

2008-12-06T20:26:00.003-05:00

It is a thing of beauty.

One of my favourite Christmas jokes:

Q: What's the ultimate stocking stuffer?

A: A severed foot.

Monocles: Time for a Comeback?

2008-12-04T23:09:00.001-05:00

I should say so, old bean!

A Truly Elegant Pen for under $10

2008-12-03T18:04:00.004-05:00

“The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.” - Marty Feldman

The Uniball Vision Elite

"I bought a $7 pen because I alway lose pens and I got sick of not caring." - Mitch Hedberg

The Incomparable Mr. Mel Torme

2008-12-01T22:10:00.001-05:00

J.C. Illustrates the Dandies

2008-11-22T13:43:00.002-05:00

The boys over at Danyism have a nice little write up of the artist J.C. Leyendecker who's visual legacy and aesthetic sits pretty well with This Bachelor. There's a more comprehensive piece on Leyendecker at Ralph Lauren. Here are some nice examples of his work:

Up the River

2008-08-11T00:05:00.000-04:00

There may come a time when even the most law abiding gentleman will have to spend some time in jail, the pokey, the clink, the iron bar hotel, the joint, the pen, or club fed. Whether it's for white collar insider trading or a misunderstanding involving some rare African ivory you're going to need to know how to survive: Read this.

Dick Knows Good Bourbon

2008-07-30T23:21:00.001-04:00

Gawker has a nice collection of classic booze ads. They're great, check 'em out!

Bachelor Hall of Fame: Marcello Mastroianni

2008-07-28T20:48:00.003-04:00

Do yourself a favour, rent "La Dolce Vita" and start imitating him...

Chin Chin!

2008-07-23T23:50:00.002-04:00

At the risk of looking like a drunk by writing two alcohol centric posts in one week, I would like to direct you to GQ's handy dandy list of the 20 Best Cocktails. Enjoy Responsibly, of course.

Absinthe: Overrated?

2008-07-21T00:05:00.000-04:00

I was recently at an absinthe party and I must say that the myth surrounding the "Green Fairy" is largely undeserved. Apparently, for years, the drink's hallucinogenic properties have been exaggerated. It's not hallucinogenic just really alcoholic (70%). Furthermore, it tastes like licorice or some kind of antibiotic you might have been forced to ingest as a child. Certainly, there is a certain cache associated with the drink. Still, unless you're a Parisian artist from the nineteenth century, why should you care? I say, skip it.

If you insist on drinking absinthe, here's how to prepare it properly:

Little White Lies

2008-07-18T00:05:00.000-04:00

My previous post about The Foggy Monocle got me thinking about the art of embellishing stories. How much creative license should the modern gentlemen use when regaling his entourage with a good yarn? I've always subscribed that if something didn't happen but should have, then it's fair game. Some stories I've been telling for so long that I've forgotten if they're entirely true or not. It doesn't bother me if they're not wholly factual because they are such a part of me now that they may as well be fact. However, exaggeration should not be confused with fabrication. Exaggeration makes your stories livelier while fabrication is transparent and problematic. Just ask James Frey. So, I would encourage you, if you're an embellisher, not to be hoisted by your own petard and stick to your story. In general, people don't really like honesty as much as they claim. Honesty is the weapon of choice for wet blankets.

Men Behaving Badly

2008-07-16T00:05:00.001-04:00

May I recommend the website The Foggy Monocle. The Monocle re-imagines the best stories submitted by readers as IM conversations. It's reassuring to this bachelor that men are still raising mischievous hell in the city. The Foggy Monocle allows one to live vicariously through other urban bachelors and stands as an inspiration to wreak some havoc of your own.

Best of luck.

A Close Shave

2008-07-14T12:05:00.000-04:00

The straight razor still provides the closest shave you can get. It is also the most badass. There is no better feeling than finishing a shave with a straight razor and realizing that you haven't sliced your jugular. That is a sense of accomplishment you can't get with a mach3. This gentleman kindly explains the essentials:

The Equipment:

The Shave:

Don't Get Burned

2008-07-12T10:50:00.005-04:00

There may come a time when you'll have to drink a flaming shot. Don't be scared, here's how to do it properly:

A Personal Touch

2008-07-09T00:05:00.001-04:00

How do we feel about monogrammed polos? Sure, they can be debonaire and add a little flash to an otherwise boring ensemble but they seem a bit fey and narcissistic. A number of upscale brands are offering personalization services including Fred Perry. You can get your initials stitched on your polo by the Bespoke Shirt Service. You can also pick the colour, cuff, and laurel making your shirt one of kind. Unfortunately, this process is expensive and only available at Bergdorf Goodman. All of this brings me back to the initial question, is such extravagance Bachelor approved? Well, I've always believed that if it's good enough for JFK it's good enough for me. However, I think you need a certain sprezzatura to pull it off.

Fleming, Ian Fleming

2008-07-07T00:05:00.000-04:00

Between the release of the Sebastian Faulks update of 007 and the teaser for the upcoming "Quantum of Solace" hitting the interweb (watch it below), Bond mania seems to have taken hold. While I love Bond as much if not more than the next bachelor, the man I truly aspire to be like is his creator Ian Fleming. Apparently, the former spy's daily schedule went something like this:
1) Wake up, write 1000 words
2) Break for lunch, drink two martinis
3) Write another 1000 words
4) Two more martinis
5) Snorkeling, did I mention he lived most of his life in Jamaica?
6) Drinks with glamorous women

Not a bad little lifestyle, eh? Bond's life doesn't seem so cool now.

Suit Up! It's Going to be Legendary!

2008-07-04T00:05:00.000-04:00

Who would've thought that an openly gay actor would be so good at playing a hetero-bachelor? Neil Patrick Harris (or NPH, as I like to call him), between his virtuosic performance in the Harold & Kumar movies and his brilliant portrayal of Barney Stinson on the underrated "How I Met Your Mother" has really carved out a niche for himself as an insensitive, amoral, and narcissistic cad. In other words, my type of guy. From his refusal to wear anything but suits and rigid adherence to his own "bro code" makes NPH's Barney Stinson a role model for all who bask in the glory of the bachelor life. To learn more about the Barnacle's philosophy, check out his blog. How does he find time to do it:

Dandies, when first-rate, are generally very agreeable men

2008-07-02T00:05:00.001-04:00

"Oh! save me, ye powers, from these pinks of the nation,
These tea-table heroes! these lords of creation." - Salmagundi

It really is strange how the internet has changed the world of the dandy; dandyland if you will. These well dressed charlatans are going through a bit of a renaissance thanks to the digital camera and the blogosphere. Dandyism is a popular site for men of discerning and wannabes alike. The scribes of that site recently got an article published in "L'uomo Vogue" about these so called digital dandies. Chief among them is Winston Chesterfield, a 24 year old Londoner who presents his sartorial creations on his blog. Now, This Bachelor always warns against getting too caught up in clothes because it takes away from more noble pursuits like drinking, eating, and chasing skirts. However, I like the cut of Mr. Chesterfield's gib. It's important to present yourself well and we can all learn a thing from this digital dandy. After all, this is the company he keeps.

Bachelor Lit: The Hard Boiled Detective Novel

2008-06-30T16:02:00.004-04:00

Sure, it's important to read the biggies: Tolstoy, Faulkner, Joyce, or Grisham so you can appear smart at cocktail parties. However, you won't get more bang for your hard boiled buck than you do from a good detective novel. For this type of manly entertainment, there is no one better than Dashiell Hammett. Good ol' Dash was the master of the detective novel but, like "The Boston Globe" says, he was "also one hell of a writer." His masterpieces, The Maltese Falcon, Red Harvest, and The Thin Man still stand up to this day as brilliant expressions of masculinity. So, read on...

but, The Maltese Falcon also made a pretty great film as well:

No Day is so Bad it Can't be Fixed with a Nap

2008-06-25T23:33:00.002-04:00

You know what bachelors don't do enough of? Nap. Napping is glorious and should be guilt free. Society dictates that we should always be on the go. Why? Trust me, you're not that important. So, break the day up with a nap. Here's how: the Boston Globe has a nice graphic to help you out.

This Bachelor Life endorses...

2008-06-23T00:05:00.000-04:00

Pabst Blue Ribbon! What? It has a blue ribbon, it must be good.

Can we take a moment...

2008-06-21T20:48:00.002-04:00

and thank Zeus for Kraft Dinner.

The Bachelor Abroad

2008-06-18T00:05:00.000-04:00

The skillful bachelor can navigate any locale whether or not he knows the language. However, there is one phrase every young man must know to survive while traveling, "What do you want to drink?"

Memorize these:

French: Que voulez-vous boire?

German: Was möchten Sie trinken?

Spanish: ¿Qué usted quiere beber?

Portuguese: Que você quer beber?

Italian: Che cosa volete bere?

Dutch: Wat wilt u drinken?

Greek: Τι θέλετε να πιείτε?

Happy Traveling!

The Sporting Life - Guys Night In

2008-06-16T00:05:00.000-04:00

I've always held that a key aspect of the Bachelor life was never forgetting your male friends. So, I'm going to implore all of you gents out there to return to the simple pleasures of watching sports on TV with some beer and your best friends. It's exactly what you need to recharge because you needn't worry about seeming witty or charming. You can just ball bust with the best of them. The hotly anticipated Lakers-Celtics NBA finals is still going and so is Euro 2008 so you have no excuse. Stock the fridge.

How to Tie a Bow Tie

2008-06-13T00:05:00.001-04:00

The Bow tie is not just another type of pasta. Make no mistake, every man must know how to tie a bow tie. I know I know, it's excessively hard and the diagrams are impossible to follow but with a little persistence even a chimp could learn how to tie one. Here's how:

If this diagram doesn't work (and trust me, it won't), you're lucky enough to live in the era of YouTube. There are dozens of helpful videos for bow tie tying. Here's just one:

The Hat is Back

2008-06-12T12:05:00.000-04:00

There was no more refined age than when men wore hats. Then on January 20th 1961, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated sans chapeau and men's fashion was changed forever. JFK aside, when you wear a hat you feel at least 10% more dashing and a new breed of stylish gentlemen are bringing the hat back, baby. So, the first step is to familiarize yourself with all the different types of hats out there. Wikipedia is always a first good place to look. After you've picked a style, all you have to do is bask in all your haberdasher glory. Pip pip!

What's it All About?

2008-06-11T00:05:00.000-04:00

Gentlemen and enlightened ladies,

The first film entered into the bachelor film hall of fame is "Alfie" from 1966 starring Michael Caine. Caine, a bachelor legend in real life as well, plays the title character, a cynical cockney who drifts from bird to bird having adult adventures and breaking the fourth wall. Unlike other gender reversed Cinderella films, Alfie does not use his significant ability with the ladies for status mobility or other perks. He is content to stay where he is, as a working class limo driver, as long as he has plenty of women to love and leave. The Swingin' 60's of London are on full display and it becomes apparent that for all its alleged liberation and debauchery, it was still very much a man's world. "Alfie" also shows the dark side of living entirely for one's self. When Alfie is forced to come face to face with the consequences of his callousness, it is truly heartbreaking, and the audience that has lived vicariously through Alfie for nearly the entire film realizes, along with Alfie, that all the suits and all the birds don't mean a thing if you ain't got peace of mind. A must watch for any aspiring bachelor.

Bonus points for the music by the legendary Burt Bacharach.

A Gentleman's Feast

2008-06-10T00:05:00.002-04:00

Jonathan Swift once said, “Bachelor's fare: Bread, cheese, and kisses.” I'm sure if the great Irish author had been alive during the electronic age he would have added one more thing; microwaveable dinners. Besides pizza and beer, there is no bigger staple in the bachelor's diet than a good microwaveable dinner. Certainly, you're going to want to learn how to cook. You'll need that skill for hosting elegant dinner parties and impressing women with your culinary expertise. However, cooking an elaborate meal for one is a tremendous waste of time. Time that could be better spent learning archery, how to tie knots, and how to make a really good Gimlet. Trust me, the microwave is your friend. For instance, here is a picture of my real life freezer:

The Eternal Allure of the Crazy Girl

2008-06-09T00:05:00.000-04:00

We've all dated her. We've all woken up in the middle of the night to the sounds of our girlfriend simultaneously sobbing and baking. Who among us hasn't spent days in the doghouse over something you did to her in her DREAM? Who hasn't had a drink thrown in their face over what any rational human being would consider to be an innocuous comment? Sure, we've all been there. However, we bachleors are truly the ones at fault here. We keep going back to the crazy girl well again and again when scores of perfectly lovely sane women are out there. What is the eternal appeal of dating unstable women?

Details magazine tried to answer that question last month.

Myself, I think a lot of men have a subconscious desire to make their lives difficult. What Freud would call the "Death Wish." Couple that with every man's desire to be needed and to take care of their romantic partner and the average man has no chance against the crazy girl. I think this comic encapsulates the phenomenon well:

In Praise of Plagiarism...

2008-06-06T00:16:00.004-04:00

More words to live by from W. Somerset Maugham:

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."

Delivering a good line can be just as effective as coming up with one yourself.

Note: Not good advice for academic essays.

Some essentials...

2008-06-05T00:05:00.001-04:00

Bachelorhood is a declaration of independence. As a result, there are certain things every bachelor, nay every man, must know how to do themselves and it extends beyond programming the VCR. Toward that end, Esquire magazine put together a good little list of 75 things every man should know how to do here.

Commit them to memory, oldboys. The world is quickly becoming populated by pasty, flabby bloggers. Trust me, I know better than anyone.

Wednesday Wit

2008-06-04T01:00:00.006-04:00

Brilliant English poet Alexander Pope wrote,
"Let sinful bachelors their woes deplore; full well they merit all they feel, and more: unaw by precepts, human or divine, like birds and beasts, promiscuously they join"

To Mr. Pope I would reply in the form of a limerick:

There was once a poet named Pope,
To kiss a girl he could but hope.
He sat in his Grotto,
To cry and get blotto,
It was the only way to cope.

Aww snap, that's a burn... a seventeenth century burn.

Bachelor of Bachelors

2008-06-03T22:48:00.002-04:00

Greetings,

This Bachelor would like to extend to you a most hearty welcome. Most will agree that being a bachelor in the city has its perks and its downsides. Some of you out there may think that this blog is going to be devoted to curing you of your bachelor propensities with tips for pairing you up with the mythical "Mrs. Right." Well, that's simply not the case. Bachelorhood is not a disease in need of a cure. In fact, it is a cure in and of itself. It is This Bachelor's firm belief that no man can be a proper contributor to society unless he has had a prolonged period of unabashed and unrepentent bachelordom. It is what used to be called sowing your wild oats. Certainly, there are certain benefits to being in a steady relationship but most of them are counteracted by the mere fact that your Thursday night is not dominated by "Grey's Anatomy." Lapsing bachelor Hugh Hefner once said, "The notion of the single man began in the 1950's. The idea of the bachelor as a separate life was new and obscure." Well, I say it is time for a bachelor's renaissance of sorts. This blog will provide you chaps, so beaten down by the anti-bach agenda, with the tools necessary to be an elegant man about town. Expect features on food, drink, culture, politics, women, fashion and the good life in general...

This site's manifesto comes down to one question. American humorist and wet blanket said of us, "A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. " I ask, why should we?