Merry Christmas!

Sure, it's Christmas, Jesus's birthday and all that but let's not forget that it was also the great Bogey's birthday. Happy Birthday Bogart!

“I should never have switched from scotch to martinis.”

Women in Handmade Beards - Strangely Hot?

Yes, I'd say so.

As far as I can tell, this young lady is selling these homemade hirsute crafts on Etsy. I smell a last minute gift for the woman in your life.

Behave at Your Office Christmas Party

Slate has some pretty great photos of office Christmas parties of the past. For once in my life, I'm going to advise moderation. Go easy on the egg nog and keep your hands to yourself. You have to be able to look your co-workers in the eye at the photocopier on Monday. These rules, of course, don't apply to the uber-hot receptionist or intern - they're fair game.

My New Hat!

Given the recent economic downturn, the public has been inundated with pictures from the Great Depression. Those downtrodden gents in the soup line may have been penniless but they sure looked sharp in their topcoats, suit, and hats. Now that we're on the precipice of our own financial armageddon I expect hats to make a big comeback and I want to be on the forefront. The only rule is that it has to be a real man's hat: no ball caps, no Justin Timberlake-esque micro-fedoras, or urban sombreros. A tip o' the hat to my fellow bachelors.

Gifts for the Bachelor (but not this bachelor)

Esquire magazine has a pretty lame gift guide for the perpetual bachelor here. Electric razors? Meat? Vacuums? Man bags? Lonesome Dove? Who the fuck are they kidding?

The mainstream media really doesn't know us at all, do they?

Well, This Bachelor has some ideas:

Friends don't let Friends wear Uggs

Don't ever EVER do this!

... And look at this otherwise attractive young women ruined by calfskin. If this woman came up to me asked if I would like join her in her hottub for whiskey and corndogs I would have to politely refuse.

This Bachelor's First Date Idea #1

The Gun Range

Seriously, everybody loves guns, just be careful what you say and where you put your hands. Don't be fresh when your lady's packing...

Bachelor Christmas Tree

It is a thing of beauty.

One of my favourite Christmas jokes:

Q: What's the ultimate stocking stuffer?

A: A severed foot.

Monocles: Time for a Comeback?

I should say so, old bean!

A Truly Elegant Pen for under $10

“The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.” - Marty Feldman

The Uniball Vision Elite

"I bought a $7 pen because I alway lose pens and I got sick of not caring." - Mitch Hedberg

The Incomparable Mr. Mel Torme

J.C. Illustrates the Dandies

The boys over at Danyism have a nice little write up of the artist J.C. Leyendecker who's visual legacy and aesthetic sits pretty well with This Bachelor. There's a more comprehensive piece on Leyendecker at Ralph Lauren. Here are some nice examples of his work:

Up the River

There may come a time when even the most law abiding gentleman will have to spend some time in jail, the pokey, the clink, the iron bar hotel, the joint, the pen, or club fed. Whether it's for white collar insider trading or a misunderstanding involving some rare African ivory you're going to need to know how to survive: Read this.

Dick Knows Good Bourbon

Gawker has a nice collection of classic booze ads. They're great, check 'em out!

Bachelor Hall of Fame: Marcello Mastroianni

Do yourself a favour, rent "La Dolce Vita" and start imitating him...

Chin Chin!

At the risk of looking like a drunk by writing two alcohol centric posts in one week, I would like to direct you to GQ's handy dandy list of the 20 Best Cocktails. Enjoy Responsibly, of course.

Absinthe: Overrated?

I was recently at an absinthe party and I must say that the myth surrounding the "Green Fairy" is largely undeserved. Apparently, for years, the drink's hallucinogenic properties have been exaggerated. It's not hallucinogenic just really alcoholic (70%). Furthermore, it tastes like licorice or some kind of antibiotic you might have been forced to ingest as a child. Certainly, there is a certain cache associated with the drink. Still, unless you're a Parisian artist from the nineteenth century, why should you care? I say, skip it.

If you insist on drinking absinthe, here's how to prepare it properly:

Little White Lies

My previous post about The Foggy Monocle got me thinking about the art of embellishing stories. How much creative license should the modern gentlemen use when regaling his entourage with a good yarn? I've always subscribed that if something didn't happen but should have, then it's fair game. Some stories I've been telling for so long that I've forgotten if they're entirely true or not. It doesn't bother me if they're not wholly factual because they are such a part of me now that they may as well be fact. However, exaggeration should not be confused with fabrication. Exaggeration makes your stories livelier while fabrication is transparent and problematic. Just ask James Frey. So, I would encourage you, if you're an embellisher, not to be hoisted by your own petard and stick to your story. In general, people don't really like honesty as much as they claim. Honesty is the weapon of choice for wet blankets.

Men Behaving Badly

May I recommend the website The Foggy Monocle. The Monocle re-imagines the best stories submitted by readers as IM conversations. It's reassuring to this bachelor that men are still raising mischievous hell in the city. The Foggy Monocle allows one to live vicariously through other urban bachelors and stands as an inspiration to wreak some havoc of your own.

Best of luck.

A Close Shave

The straight razor still provides the closest shave you can get. It is also the most badass. There is no better feeling than finishing a shave with a straight razor and realizing that you haven't sliced your jugular. That is a sense of accomplishment you can't get with a mach3. This gentleman kindly explains the essentials:

The Equipment:

The Shave:

Don't Get Burned

There may come a time when you'll have to drink a flaming shot. Don't be scared, here's how to do it properly:

A Personal Touch

How do we feel about monogrammed polos? Sure, they can be debonaire and add a little flash to an otherwise boring ensemble but they seem a bit fey and narcissistic. A number of upscale brands are offering personalization services including Fred Perry. You can get your initials stitched on your polo by the Bespoke Shirt Service. You can also pick the colour, cuff, and laurel making your shirt one of kind. Unfortunately, this process is expensive and only available at Bergdorf Goodman. All of this brings me back to the initial question, is such extravagance Bachelor approved? Well, I've always believed that if it's good enough for JFK it's good enough for me. However, I think you need a certain sprezzatura to pull it off.

Fleming, Ian Fleming

Between the release of the Sebastian Faulks update of 007 and the teaser for the upcoming "Quantum of Solace" hitting the interweb (watch it below), Bond mania seems to have taken hold. While I love Bond as much if not more than the next bachelor, the man I truly aspire to be like is his creator Ian Fleming. Apparently, the former spy's daily schedule went something like this:
1) Wake up, write 1000 words
2) Break for lunch, drink two martinis
3) Write another 1000 words
4) Two more martinis
5) Snorkeling, did I mention he lived most of his life in Jamaica?
6) Drinks with glamorous women

Not a bad little lifestyle, eh? Bond's life doesn't seem so cool now.

Suit Up! It's Going to be Legendary!

Who would've thought that an openly gay actor would be so good at playing a hetero-bachelor? Neil Patrick Harris (or NPH, as I like to call him), between his virtuosic performance in the Harold & Kumar movies and his brilliant portrayal of Barney Stinson on the underrated "How I Met Your Mother" has really carved out a niche for himself as an insensitive, amoral, and narcissistic cad. In other words, my type of guy. From his refusal to wear anything but suits and rigid adherence to his own "bro code" makes NPH's Barney Stinson a role model for all who bask in the glory of the bachelor life. To learn more about the Barnacle's philosophy, check out his blog. How does he find time to do it:

Dandies, when first-rate, are generally very agreeable men

"Oh! save me, ye powers, from these pinks of the nation,
These tea-table heroes! these lords of creation." - Salmagundi

It really is strange how the internet has changed the world of the dandy; dandyland if you will. These well dressed charlatans are going through a bit of a renaissance thanks to the digital camera and the blogosphere. Dandyism is a popular site for men of discerning and wannabes alike. The scribes of that site recently got an article published in "L'uomo Vogue" about these so called digital dandies. Chief among them is Winston Chesterfield, a 24 year old Londoner who presents his sartorial creations on his blog. Now, This Bachelor always warns against getting too caught up in clothes because it takes away from more noble pursuits like drinking, eating, and chasing skirts. However, I like the cut of Mr. Chesterfield's gib. It's important to present yourself well and we can all learn a thing from this digital dandy. After all, this is the company he keeps.

Bachelor Lit: The Hard Boiled Detective Novel

Sure, it's important to read the biggies: Tolstoy, Faulkner, Joyce, or Grisham so you can appear smart at cocktail parties. However, you won't get more bang for your hard boiled buck than you do from a good detective novel. For this type of manly entertainment, there is no one better than Dashiell Hammett. Good ol' Dash was the master of the detective novel but, like "The Boston Globe" says, he was "also one hell of a writer." His masterpieces, The Maltese Falcon, Red Harvest, and The Thin Man still stand up to this day as brilliant expressions of masculinity. So, read on...

but, The Maltese Falcon also made a pretty great film as well:

No Day is so Bad it Can't be Fixed with a Nap

You know what bachelors don't do enough of? Nap. Napping is glorious and should be guilt free. Society dictates that we should always be on the go. Why? Trust me, you're not that important. So, break the day up with a nap. Here's how: the Boston Globe has a nice graphic to help you out.

This Bachelor Life endorses...

Pabst Blue Ribbon! What? It has a blue ribbon, it must be good.

Can we take a moment...

and thank Zeus for Kraft Dinner.

The Bachelor Abroad

The skillful bachelor can navigate any locale whether or not he knows the language. However, there is one phrase every young man must know to survive while traveling, "What do you want to drink?"

Memorize these:

French: Que voulez-vous boire?

German: Was möchten Sie trinken?

Spanish: ¿Qué usted quiere beber?

Portuguese: Que você quer beber?

Italian: Che cosa volete bere?

Dutch: Wat wilt u drinken?

Greek: Τι θέλετε να πιείτε?

Happy Traveling!

The Sporting Life - Guys Night In

I've always held that a key aspect of the Bachelor life was never forgetting your male friends. So, I'm going to implore all of you gents out there to return to the simple pleasures of watching sports on TV with some beer and your best friends. It's exactly what you need to recharge because you needn't worry about seeming witty or charming. You can just ball bust with the best of them. The hotly anticipated Lakers-Celtics NBA finals is still going and so is Euro 2008 so you have no excuse. Stock the fridge.

How to Tie a Bow Tie

The Bow tie is not just another type of pasta. Make no mistake, every man must know how to tie a bow tie. I know I know, it's excessively hard and the diagrams are impossible to follow but with a little persistence even a chimp could learn how to tie one. Here's how:

If this diagram doesn't work (and trust me, it won't), you're lucky enough to live in the era of YouTube. There are dozens of helpful videos for bow tie tying. Here's just one: